Archive for the ‘Married Life’ Category

Most. Depressing. Birthday. Evar.

January 25, 2012

This is why the Hubby usually doesn’t get to plan our outings.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was Hubby’s 38th birthday. Hehehe – my old man! Last week I asked what he was thinking about doing for his birthday, and I was pleasantly surprised when he told me that he was toying with the idea of going to an indoor paintball range or an indoor waterpark. I LOVE that kind of stuff, but he’s usually not into the running around and being goofy like I am. But it’s January so maybe there’s some cabin fever going on.

I should have known it was too good to be true. On Monday he changed his mind and told me he wanted to see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo over at the West End Icon Theater VIP Lounge. Normally this would have been cool, ‘cuz I like movies and swanky, overpriced movie theaters, but I had no desire to see TGWTDT. I had heard that while it was very good, it was also very dark, that there was a graphic rape scene and that it was a pretty depressing movie all around. I tend to skip movies like this because I don’t like the way they make me feel. My take on most horror and a certain subsection of suspense/thrillers is that I know there’s heinous, offensive, horrifying shit out here in the world; I don’t need to watch it for entertainment. That’s just me, and I don’t begrudge or think less of people who enjoy dark movies. But my $10, my three hours…this isn’t how I usually want to spend them.

But it was the hubby’s birthday, so I put on a smile and went along. Please know it wasn’t traumatizing for me to watch the movie, I just wasn’t looking forward to it. *sighs* And I was right. I was in a funky, depressed mood afterwards. Here’s my facebook writeup:

It’s certainly not the first time I’ve been introduced by media to the concepts of evil, cruelty, revenge, abuse of power, rape, incest, familial battery, serial murder, sadism, mafia business dealings, corporate greed (to name a few of the story’s highlights) but I was angered, offended, depressed, horrified, revolted, saddened and wearied during and slightly after the movie. It was a well-made dark movie that evokes dark emotions.

But…it was Hubby’s birthday, so I shook it off.

Afterward we went to Pizza Luce for dinner, which was ridiculous because we were stuffed on salty, buttery popcorn and Raisinets. We had a rousing discussion on politics, including a comparison of  liberal and conservative philosophies. That meandered its way to a discussion of the corporation city of Shenzhen, China, which he posed as an example of what no-government rule over corporate interests looks like. Which got us talking about corporate greed, consumer responsibility, and a shared disbelief that companies would so callously act like…ya know, companies…all of which ended up being horribly depressing.

I finally put the kibosh on the whole depressing trend by jokingly telling the Hubby that this was the most depressing birthday party I had ever attended, what with the cat killing and unsolvable problem of slave working conditions in China. I was going for “Hahaha – what a night, amiright?”, but some of my down mood must have really come across, which made the Hubby depressed and upset because he was having a good time and didn’t know that I was depressed. Plus, by the time we were done with popcorn-raisinets-gallons of soda-pizza there was simply no room for ice cream, which usually makes things all better.

But you know what did make things better? Presents. I got the Hubby a couple of things he had been wanting (tattoo magazines, a gift certificate for range time at Bill’s Gun Shop in Robbinsdale), but at the last minute I had also picked up this silly gorilla holding a cheesy red heart, which I had debated throwing in for the very nature of its intense cheesiness.

And would you know it – that silly damned gorilla broke the mood. Who can think depressing thoughts with this guy around?

But seriously…next year I have veto power on the Hubby’s birthday. No I don’t. Dammit!

Married People Conversations: Dream House

December 20, 2011

Sunday was gorgeous. The sun was shining, all of the snow had melted away, and it was a balmy 40F. The Hubby and I decided to walk up to Calhoun Square to make some much-needed Vitamin D, and to stop at Jimmy Johns for sandwiches (well…a sandwich for him and a gluten-free lettuce wrap for me).

Along the way we ran across a nice-looking 2.5 story house for sale, which sparked the time eternal husband-wife Dream House Conversation. The Hubby and I have radically different views on what the ideal house looks like. I want a house with lots of hidey-holes, closets, odd rooms, funny half-levels, and stairs and doorways arranged every which way. I like older, established houses that have Character.

My sort of house. Image Source

The Hubby wants a big garage, a place for him to set up a workshop, and a man den. He likes strong angles and unique features, but most important above everything else, the Hubby wants a New House. He thinks an older house would be too much work; he wants to start fresh with a recently-built house or a brand-new construction that won’t give him any headaches (I call poopy-cocka on this because every house gives you headaches. It’s just more disappointing when the new ones fall apart). He actually likes cookie-cutter subdivisions – blech!

The Hubby’s sort of house. Image Source

But we both agree that owning a certain styles of a smallish, converted church would be incredible. I love the wonky architecture in some churches, and he likes the brick work and big open area that would be left from where the congregation used to sit. Although according to the Hubby, it would need all updated fixtures, plumbing and any structural repairs done right away so he wouldn’t have to fix anything later. F%^&ing stubborn Swedes.

Dream house! Image Source

Anyway, that was an unusually long lead-in to a MPC, but this is the conversation that started up after running across the house for sale in South Minneapolis:

Me: That one looks nice.

The Hubby: Yeah, it looks well-kept. Hey – it’s got one of those barcodes. Scan it and see if it tells you how much they’re asking.

I scan the QR barcode and the property information comes up.

Me: $450,000.

The Hubby [grunting]: Wow. Someday, maybe.

Crossing the street we pass a HUGE church with beautiful stained windows and stone walls.

Me: I want that house.

The Hubby: [perking up] Yeah!

Me: Can we keep the stained glass windows? They’re awfully pretty and not overly religious.

The Hubby: Sure.

Me: I want to model it after that place in Saint Louis that we visited.

The Hubby: The City Museum – definitely!

Me: Really? You’d put a slide in?

The Hubby: Hell, yeah! A slide, a couple of fire poles, a tight winding staircase. I mean, we could have regular stairs too, but it’d be fun to jump out of bed and slide down to the kitchen for breakfast.

Me: Hey, can we put an elevator or a lift or escalator in, too?

The Hubby: No way.

Me: But what about our friends and family who don’t navigate stairs so well?

The Hubby: I want everything to be green and not require any energy use, so when the apocalypse hits we can still use our house.

Me: Oh, right. ‘Cuz when the apocalypse hits, our house is going to still be standing. Or if it does actually make it through whichever disaster scenario we go through, we’re not going to be overrun with survivors looting us for all we’ve got.

The Hubby: Well, that’s what the machine-gun turrets are for.

Me:  Ahhh…

A comfortable pause as we walk along and consider our house.

Me: Can we rig up a pulley system lift that doesn’t require any energy?

The Hubby: Sure, why not? Now, where in an ex-church is a good place to put a leathercrafting workshop?

Married People Conversations

October 11, 2011

Me: Oh my god, look at the moon!

Hubby: Yeah, it’s really pretty, especially through the the trees like that.

Hubby: Except…

Me: Yeah?

Hubby [dropping into a Peter Lorre voice]: I feel myself…changing!

Me: I will slap you right in the face if you turn into a werewolf.

Hubby [looking at his hands in horror, whispers]: Oh god no, not here…

Me: You are such a dork.

Hubby: I need blood! [leers at me] Female blood!

Me: You get no blood. We’re, like, two blocks from the restaurant. You get lo mein.

Hubby [dropping the creepy voice]: Yeah, okay. I guess that’ll work.

Happy anniversary to meeee!

August 4, 2011

Wowza…I’ve been working for three solid weeks. I know it’s been dead here on the blog, but I’m learning that this will happen when one works 12 hour days and through the weekends. I’m managing to smoosh a decent amount of fun and relaxation between these working hours, and with the recent incredible summer weather that hasn’t been involving the internets. Well, except for derp.com … I always manage to sneak a peek at the membases before bedtime.

Yesterday I high-tailed it out of work super early so that Aaron and I could celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary! We treated ourselves to a four-course meal at The Melting Pot in downtown Minneapolis. Neither of us had done fondue in a restaurant before last night. It was fun and it will definitely be memorable! Although maybe not as memorable as it could have been if I hadn’t ordered the four glass wine flight with dinner. Hmmm…

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The cheese fondue was yummy and the salad was decent, but it was the entree that we found unique, and as a grown-up who takes way to much fun in playing with my food, I have to say it was my favorite part of the meal. We ordered a plate that had two kinds of steak, lobster tail, shrimp, chicken, pork and ravioli and everything was raw. The waitress brought out a giant pot of hot vegetable broth, heated it until it was boiling, and then we skewered the raw meat with our fondue forks and cooked the meat for ~2 minutes before eating it. There were half a dozen sauces and dips to try with the different meats. And just when we thought we couldn’t eat any more, the waitress brought out a milk chocolate fondue and a desert plate which contained cheesecake, fancy-fied marshmallows, rice crispies, brownie, strawberries and poundcake. Let’s just say, full as we were, we made room. You don’t just pass up chocolate fondue. At least, as it turns out, we don’t.

I’d recommend The Melting Pot for a special occasion. It is pricey, but if you’re looking to splurge, you might want to give it a try.

Married People Conversations

July 8, 2011

The Hubby called me at work yesterday. It was a really busy afternoon and I was a bit stressed out.

Me: [briskly] Hey, what’s up?

Hubby:  I wanted to call to say hi, and to hear your voice.

Me:  Awww…are you having a hard day?

Hubby:  No. Actually I felt bad about last night.

Me:  [puzzled]: Why, what happened last night?

Hubby:  Well, I went to bed before you and I just realized today that I forgot to say good-night.

He says this in a completely straight tone and actually sounds apologetic. I’m stunned. I pull the phone away from my ear and look at it incredulously.

Me:  [In a somehow not-mocking tone]: That’s what you feel bad about?

Hubby:  Yeah. I should have given you a good night kiss, too.

Me:  Ahhh…[stupid grin spreading slowly across my face], well…that’s…[stupid schoolgirl giggle].

Hubby:  So, I’ll be home around 5:30 or six. Is it going to be another late night for you?

Me:  [still sporting the stupid grin, making it difficult to speak]: We’ll see how it goes.

Hubby:  Okay, see you sometime tonight then.

Me:  Okay. See you then.

*click*

Married People Conversations

May 19, 2011

We’re doing the morning routine in our little apartment’s single bathroom. The Hubby is drying his hair and I’m styling mine. I grab a bottle of  mouse and spray a little in the palm of my hand. For some reason I decide to move my hand and the spraying can right next to the Hubby’s face. He doesn’t even flinch.

Me: You didn’t even flinch

Hubby: Nope, I didn’t did I?

Me: You’re just kind of resigned, huh? Either I was going to do it and you’d deal, or you guessed I probably wouldn’t spray it?

Hubby: It was the second one.

Me: Really? You don’t think I would have done it? After all these years?

Hubby: Well, I figured you wouldn’t put mousse in my eye.

Me: Yeah, but I totally would have sprayed your cheek or forehead or something.

Hubby: *considers* Yeah, you’d do that.

Me: But I think it’s sweet that you still trust me so much. It’s like you have a really bad memory.

Hubby: *completely deadpan* How do you think we stay married?

Married People Conversations

April 24, 2011

We were about to leave the house to go on a bike ride, but before we did I jumped on the computer to double check our route, and the Hubby laid down on the ground to stretch. I ended up fiddling around on the internet for a bit longer than necessary, and the Hubby’s stretching turned into dozing off. When I was finally done, I turned around in my chair and saw this:

Me: Wow, you both got comfortable.

Hubby: She likes me!

Me: [snorts] She likes warm, soft places to sit.

Hubby: Oh yeah? Then why does she like laying here on my rock hard abs?

Me: Oh, honey.

Married People Conversations 3

March 20, 2011

We have a two-bedroom apartment and long ago I ceded the second room to the Hubby for use as a workshop, computer room, closet. I take up most of the shared living room space with overflowing bookshelves, so it was a fair trade. But I never tire of reminding him of how nice and generous it was of me to give up the second bedroom for his sole use.

Hubby: The cable guy liked my man den. He said “Nice room, man.”

Me: And did you tell him why you have a man den?

Sensing a trick question, the Hubby pauses to consider his next move.

Hubby: I said “I told the wife ‘Yo, woman. Imma need some of my own space to do my own thing. Got it?’”

Me: That’s not what you said.

Hubby: And then I elbowed him in the side and winked and said, “Because women, they get, like, the whole kitchen to themselves, you know what I’m sayin’?”

Me: Go do the laundry.

Hubby: ‘Kay.

Married People Conversations 2

February 27, 2011

The Hubby and I have been married for seven years now, so we have the division of labor fairly well established. I cook, clean the toilet and change the cat’s litter box. He opens the mail, pays the bills, vaccuums and fixes most broken stuff. We usually do dishes together, but if one of us is feeling particularly starved of affection, doing the dishes alone while the other partner is out is a fast route to extra smiles, praise and gratitude. We do our own personal laundry, with the occasional good will gesture. “Hey honey, I’ve only got a few t-shirts to wash – do you have any whites that you want me to throw in with my load?” Towels and sheets are sort of  gray area; someone washes them and then they may or may not fold them alone. Without much exception, we fold bed sheets together because they’re big, and because the bastard fitted sheet is just easier with four hands.

Thus we have arrived at our scene.

We washed sheets about two weeks ago. Note the lack of the words “and folded” from that sentence. So for two weeks now the Hubby and I have been moving the unfolded pile back and forth to various places around the apartment, apparently waiting for the perfect folding moment to present itself. The pile was on a chair in the front room for a while, but the dog tried to turn it into a nest. So the Hubby moved it to our bedroom, but it was in my way so I threw it in his man den. That must have been no good because I found it back in our bedroom a few days later. So I balanced the pile on the back of a chair where the dog couldn’t get at it.  This morning things finally came to a head.

Hubby: C’mon, let’s fold these sheets.

Me: I don’t want to.

Hubby: C’mon, I’m tired of them being all over the place.

Me: They’re not all over the place – they’re in a single pile that’s constantly changing locations.

Hubby: Really? C’mon.

Me: [sighing] I’m playing, um, working on the computer. Why can’t the dog help you?

Hubby: He doesn’t have opposable thumbs.

Me: Worthless mutt.

I finally relent to the Hubby’s frowning stare and help fold the sheets. That’s 45 seconds of my life that I’ll never get back.

Married People Conversations

February 12, 2011

Hubby: [in an accusing tone] Hey! Who used the last of the toilet paper and didn’t replace the roll?

There are only two of us in the house.  We both know it was me.

Me: It was the dog.

Hubby: The dog?

Me: Yup. Saw him do it.

Hubby: Oh yeah?

Me: Yeah, he was all like I need some toilet paper. Rawr!

Hubby: Well, that’s pretty amazing that he’s using toilet paper.

Me: Yup.

And the morning goes on. I’ve noticed that most of our married people conversations are boring, weird and not really all that funny. Except to us. We think we’re hilarious.


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